Sometimes I get discouraged. I'm not really sure just exactly what it is I should be doing with my life. Did I choose the right career? Right now I'm not feeling like a great success at work. Should I be climbing some ladder, should I be achieving more? Do I even really care?
I see people all around me doing big things. I have friends pursuing doctoral degrees. I have friends traveling the world. I see them doing these things, these big things, and it stirs up all kinds of emotions in me. I feel happy and excited for them, but I also feel a little bit jealous. I feel jealous because I'd like to do something, too. My problem is I don't know what I want to do. I think it's pretty dumb to not even know what you want. Everything is kind of at a standstill for me right not and sometimes I feel jealous and frustrated and sad.
But then I hold my babies. I hold them and I watch them play and I know without any doubt that I am exactly where I am supposed to be doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. A good friend of mine told me we should thank God for the seasons of our lives. I've thought about that statement a lot. I've thought about how true and right it is and how grateful I am for the opportunity to raise two little boys when I know so many people who would give anything to experience the very things I complain about.
"Right here, right now, there is no other place I wanna be."
Thank you Jesus Jones, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Balance
How do people do it?
How do people manage to manage everything?
I'll be returning to work soon after being on maternity leave for a blissful eight weeks. Just thinking about it makes my head spin. I have a very demanding job. I'm a teacher. It's important that I give 100% every day all the time. And I want to. I want to be Super Teacher. I want to be one of those teachers who gets to go on the Oprah show because my students do incredible things because I'm the best teacher in the world ever. Then I would write a book telling other teachers how to be as great as I am and I'd make a million dollars. But I would still teach even when I was a millionaire because, doggone it, I just love teaching.
However, I'm also a mom. I have two small children. And It's important that I give them 100% also. I want to be Super Mom. I want to raise the most thoughtful, best educated, most well mannered children the world has ever seen. My children will grow up to do amazing things. Write books, play music, invent things, discover cures for diseases... whatever they do they will be amazing at it because I'm the best mom in the world.
Don't forget about being a wife, too! My husband and I have a very easy, friendly, happy relationship, but that doesn't mean it doesn't need tending also.
How do people do it?
Maybe they don't. Maybe they can't and that's why so many people are medicated and/or drunk.
(Whenever I see people who seem to have it all together I imagine they must be either bulimic or just drunk alcoholics because no one can have it all together. But that's just me being a hater.)
The more I think about it the more I realize I just have to let it go. What I've found in all my years of living is that the more I worry and try to control things, the more they fall apart.
I'll just do the best I can with what I have, and the rest of the time just hang on and enjoy the ride.
"Let it flow, let yourself go. Slow and low that is the tempo."
Let it flow, my friends. Let it flow. :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Nature vs. Nurture (or boys will be boys)
I'm very happy to be the mother of two sons. Not that I don't like female children, but from my vast experience in working with children I have found boys to be simple. Not simple as in lacking mental acuity, but easy to understand and deal with. I have found boys to be generally rougher and tougher than girls, with far fewer dramatics. I have also found that boys have a natural proclivity for annoying girls. I'm beginning to notice this in my oldest son.
Even though I know that boys love to pester and annoy girls, I wasn't sure where they learned their methods. By watching my own son I'm beginning to think they don't learn them from anyone. They are born knowing exactly what to do to aggravate, annoy, pester, and otherwise torment any female they happen across.
Let me cite some examples. My three year old son has several tricks up his sleeve, and since I'm the only female in the house I get to enjoy all of them. He likes to sneak up behind me, lick his finger and wipe it on my face. Sometimes he'll skip the finger part and just lick my face. He'll pretend he's going to give me a kiss when he's actually going to lick my face. During dinner he'll lick his finger and stick it into my food. He'll tell me that he has to use the potty so that I'll get up to take him to the bathroom. As soon as I get up he steals my chair. He's also a nipple twister. The list goes on and on.
I've noticed he doesn't do these things to his father, only me. To my knowledge he has never seen anyone else exhibit these behaviors, so I don't believe he learned them from anyone. I believe these behaviors are inborn. He can't help it. Boys can't help it that they are annoying, it is their nature. Boys will be boys, I guess.
Lucky for my son he also inherited my blue eyes and his father's charm, otherwise he might not survive to adulthood. Especially if he keeps licking my food.
Even though I know that boys love to pester and annoy girls, I wasn't sure where they learned their methods. By watching my own son I'm beginning to think they don't learn them from anyone. They are born knowing exactly what to do to aggravate, annoy, pester, and otherwise torment any female they happen across.
Let me cite some examples. My three year old son has several tricks up his sleeve, and since I'm the only female in the house I get to enjoy all of them. He likes to sneak up behind me, lick his finger and wipe it on my face. Sometimes he'll skip the finger part and just lick my face. He'll pretend he's going to give me a kiss when he's actually going to lick my face. During dinner he'll lick his finger and stick it into my food. He'll tell me that he has to use the potty so that I'll get up to take him to the bathroom. As soon as I get up he steals my chair. He's also a nipple twister. The list goes on and on.
I've noticed he doesn't do these things to his father, only me. To my knowledge he has never seen anyone else exhibit these behaviors, so I don't believe he learned them from anyone. I believe these behaviors are inborn. He can't help it. Boys can't help it that they are annoying, it is their nature. Boys will be boys, I guess.
Lucky for my son he also inherited my blue eyes and his father's charm, otherwise he might not survive to adulthood. Especially if he keeps licking my food.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
In keeping with tradition, I hereby resolve to do/be/change the following things/habits in this new year 2011:
1. I will lose this baby weight! Having our new baby was the biggest blessing of 2010. He'll be six weeks old tomorrow and I still look like I'm pregnant. It's very disheartening when Spanx can't even tame your baby belly. But beyond looking good in clothes, I need to get my body in shape so I can take care of the babies. I was so big during the last 3 months of my pregnancy that I couldn't really move so much, so now I'm all stiff and brittle like a dried up twig. I snap, crackle and pop when I move. Resolution #1 is to get in shape.
2. I will resume my reducing/reusing/recycling. I used to take the recycling to the recycling center every Saturday on my way to my Weight Watchers meeting. When I got pregnant I quit going to weight watchers and therefore I quit recycling because I wasn't "already getting out and going that way". I don't want to be part of the problem because I'm too lazy to get out on a Saturday afternoon and drive five minutes to the recycling center. I need to be a good example to my kids. Going green is going to be even more important to their generation, so I need to help them get good habits in place. So I'll be resuming my weekly trips to the recycling center, buying some compact florescent light bulbs, taking my own bags to the grocery store, and turning stuff off when I'm not using it.
3. I will get organized! This one is really important to me. I waste so much money paying late fees because I don't pay my bills on time. Not because I don't have the money, but because I don't pay attention to what day it is. I bought myself a calendar today. That's a first step. Now I need to go through and write due dates for everything on the calendar. Then I need to set an alarm on my phone to remind myself to check the calendar every day.
Jeez. It is extremely hard to overcome a lifetime of bad habits! But again, I need to do it for my kids. Never mind doing it for myself. I've managed to make it this far in life. I mean, I graduated with my Master's, I have a career, I own my own home...Besides that, I feel that I'm a bit of a lost cause. I don't understand organized people. If I leave my stuff laying everywhere, then I always have everything at my fingertips (even if i do have to spend some time looking for it). My kids, on the other hand, are blank slates. I want them to be better than I have been at managing my time/money/health. I want to keep them out of the cloud of chaos that I live in because I'm a disorganized mess.
The things I do for you boys... You have no idea!
So those are my resolutions for 2011. I think it's a pretty realistic list. I think these things are do-able. I think these goals are all within reach. I think I will start working on them...
tomorrow.
1. I will lose this baby weight! Having our new baby was the biggest blessing of 2010. He'll be six weeks old tomorrow and I still look like I'm pregnant. It's very disheartening when Spanx can't even tame your baby belly. But beyond looking good in clothes, I need to get my body in shape so I can take care of the babies. I was so big during the last 3 months of my pregnancy that I couldn't really move so much, so now I'm all stiff and brittle like a dried up twig. I snap, crackle and pop when I move. Resolution #1 is to get in shape.
2. I will resume my reducing/reusing/recycling. I used to take the recycling to the recycling center every Saturday on my way to my Weight Watchers meeting. When I got pregnant I quit going to weight watchers and therefore I quit recycling because I wasn't "already getting out and going that way". I don't want to be part of the problem because I'm too lazy to get out on a Saturday afternoon and drive five minutes to the recycling center. I need to be a good example to my kids. Going green is going to be even more important to their generation, so I need to help them get good habits in place. So I'll be resuming my weekly trips to the recycling center, buying some compact florescent light bulbs, taking my own bags to the grocery store, and turning stuff off when I'm not using it.
3. I will get organized! This one is really important to me. I waste so much money paying late fees because I don't pay my bills on time. Not because I don't have the money, but because I don't pay attention to what day it is. I bought myself a calendar today. That's a first step. Now I need to go through and write due dates for everything on the calendar. Then I need to set an alarm on my phone to remind myself to check the calendar every day.
Jeez. It is extremely hard to overcome a lifetime of bad habits! But again, I need to do it for my kids. Never mind doing it for myself. I've managed to make it this far in life. I mean, I graduated with my Master's, I have a career, I own my own home...Besides that, I feel that I'm a bit of a lost cause. I don't understand organized people. If I leave my stuff laying everywhere, then I always have everything at my fingertips (even if i do have to spend some time looking for it). My kids, on the other hand, are blank slates. I want them to be better than I have been at managing my time/money/health. I want to keep them out of the cloud of chaos that I live in because I'm a disorganized mess.
The things I do for you boys... You have no idea!
So those are my resolutions for 2011. I think it's a pretty realistic list. I think these things are do-able. I think these goals are all within reach. I think I will start working on them...
tomorrow.
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