Right here, right now

Sometimes I get discouraged. I'm not really sure just exactly what it is I should be doing with my life. Did I choose the right career? Right now I'm not feeling like a great success at work. Should I be climbing some ladder, should I be achieving more? Do I even really care?
I see people all around me doing big things. I have friends pursuing doctoral degrees. I have friends traveling the world. I see them doing these things, these big things, and it stirs up all kinds of emotions in me. I feel happy and excited for them, but I also feel a little bit jealous. I feel jealous because I'd like to do something, too. My problem is I don't know what I want to do. I think it's pretty dumb to not even know what you want. Everything is kind of at a standstill for me right not and sometimes I feel jealous and frustrated and sad.
But then I hold my babies. I hold them and I watch them play and I know without any doubt that I am exactly where I am supposed to be doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. A good friend of mine told me we should thank God for the seasons of our lives. I've thought about that statement a lot. I've thought about how true and right it is and how grateful I am for the opportunity to raise two little boys when I know so many people who would give anything to experience the very things I complain about.

"Right here, right now, there is no other place I wanna be."
Thank you Jesus Jones, I couldn't have said it better myself.

** Update **

I haven't blogged in a long, long time. With two babies now it's hard to do anything that doesn't involve feeding them or cleaning up after them. But it is a labor of love. I know I'll miss their baby-hood when it's gone.

Here's what is going on with them:

Baby #1 (lil Hercules)

He's now 2 and 1/2. Three in February. Walking, talking, and he has ideas of his own and he likes to communicate them to me. He'll ask me to do things for him, "Mommy fix it, Mommy open it, Mommy say 'one two three go!'". He loves to run, he laughs a lot. He likes to try on all of his clothes and strut in front of the mirror. He loves people, he loves toys, he loves to play. He's so much like his father it's uncanny. He likes to wear hats. His favorite show is Monk. He loves to sing and dance. Every day he amazes me with something new that he's learned.

Baby #2 (the new guy)

He was one month old on Monday. His favorite things to do are kick, stretch, wiggle, and poot. He isn't a fussy baby (much). When he's awake he just likes to look around and take in the world. He seems to be a thinker. The New Guy takes more after me. At least, he looks more like me. When he's just sitting there looking around, I like to think that he's a quiet, contemplative type. But I know that most babies just sit and look around. The New Guy is just now beginning to come to life. I like to think of him as a little flower that is just opening, revealing a little more of himself every day. I can't wait to see what kind of boy he's going to be.

Other than the babies, there isn't anything much going on in my life. There isn't a lot of time right now to pursue my own interests. I could whine about that, but I won't right now. There's no time! Busy hands are happy hands, right? I'm very happy with my role as mother, but in the back of my mind I'm always making plans for when the babies are older, when I have more time... I'll travel. I'll take dance lessons. I'll redecorate the house. There will be time, there will be time...

Right now I have to run. Doody calls! (get it! I said 'doody' instead of 'duty' because the New Guy needs a diaper! I'm so funny :)

Hope everyone is enjoying the Holidays!